Good afternoon everyone! I hope you all enjoyed my last blog,
and that it gave you some insight in to how tough life can be some days. This
blog is actually going to do the same just on a different topic.
Well as we you
all know people die every day. It’s just part of life, and we can’t change it.
I knew going to Haiti I would hear of people dying, but I never thought I would
know the people personally. Before we came to Haiti, there was a little girl
being taken care of by the sisters. Her name was Keuttra. I knew her because
her she had been in Kan Klodin when I was a counselor back in 2013. Her uncle
was one of the counselors, and he had helped me out a lot. She was such a
sweetheart, and she was so shy. She cuddled up to her uncle all the time. When
I came back for the year I had heard the news that she was sick, and our
sisters were doing everything to help her. I had no idea what was wrong with
her until her uncle brought her to the house, and one of our past volunteers
took pictures to show me. She had a huge growth on her arm, and it was the size
of a basketball. I couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t even hold her arm up on
her own. She had it all wrapped up in a little white sling. Sister Jackie, and
Sister Pat got her in to one of the best hospitals in PAP. They paid for
everything for the little girl, and family. The family traveled to the
hospital, and had to consult doctors. Now, I was not there or with the family,
so what we heard was all by word of mouth. The doctors meant with the family,
and told the mother that they needed to amputate the little girls arm. The
mother then had to call the father of the little girl to get permission for the
doctor to do the surgery. Now, again I was not there to hear this conversation,
but supposedly the father said “No, we can make another child. She could die
either way.” So the mother then had to make the decision to obey the father, or
go against him. She decided to listen to him, because if she didn’t he would stop
supporting her in every way. She brought the little girl home, and that was it.
We were all pretty upset with her decision, but you have to respect the culture
here in Haiti. We didn’t hear much of anything about the girl, but then I
decided to ask her uncle. I would ask him every other day how she was doing,
and he would usually say she was hanging in there. I knew that wasn’t a good
sign, so I told him I would come to visit her. Of course I was nervous because
I had no idea what she looked like at this point. I told him on Monday of that specific
week I would come Tuesday, but then of course I got busy. I then told him
Wednesday, and I promised I would be there right after school. Well Wednesday
came, and I went to the school, and was doing work outside of a classroom. He
came up to me and I said” How are you? I am coming to visit her today.” He
looked at me, and said “No, she’s gone, and I said “Where is she?” He looked at
me, and responded “She died, and is at the morgue.” I was shocked, I felt like
I could have thrown up right at that moment. I mean are you kidding me? I was
going to see her that day! Then I had a
million thoughts running through my head. Why didn’t I go on Monday? Could I
have saved her life? Why didn’t I see her when she came back? The list of
questions can go on. I honestly felt as if a piece of my heart had been
ripped out and stomped on over, and over again. An innocent little girl lost
her life, and she had no say in it. I decided to go to the funeral to show my
respect to the family, but I didn’t know how I would react to her father. The
funeral was during the week on an afternoon. I went with Katie, and Sister Pat.
The church was pretty crowded with people. Now, funerals in Haiti are much
different than in the states. People do something that is called “Wailing.” Wailing is literally were
someone is whining, and sobbing. It honestly is horrific, and just gives you
the chills when your around it. Most people who wail, can make themselves pass
out because they are so upset, and at this funeral a lot of people were
wailing. I thought I was going to have to walk out, but I held it together, and
set through the whole thing. The only time I felt like I was going to be sick
was when they carried the little coffin right by me. It shock me up pretty well
because I knew that little girl was in there. Having gone through this
experience left lasting footprints on my heart. I will never forget Keuttra,
and I hope she is having the time of her life up in heaven.
Now, you would
think one death would be enough, but no it didn’t work that way. After having
experienced Keuttra’s death not a week later did we experience it again. Katie,
and I had gone out to the village to spend time with the children. Katie had disappeared,
and then one child grabbed me, and said I needed to go to where Katie was. They
had grabbed Katie, and I into a home where a sick man was laying on the ground.
There were probably 15 people shoved into the house telling us multiple
different stories. Katie said she couldn’t get much out of them, so I tried. I
asked the same questions, and they just kept saying his legs were swollen, he
couldn’t eat, or move that well. We told them that they really needed to take
him to the hospital, but of course we got we don’t have any money. We told them
that the hospital won’t turn people done who are severely sick. They just
looked at us, and we knew they wanted us to do everything for them. We couldn’t
though. We offered to leave the family with water, and we then told them they
could come to the house, and talk with Sister Pat. The man truly didn’t look
that sick. He was talking, and drinking a little. I mean he was laying on the
ground, but if you were to tell me that man was going to die in 3 days I would
have told you that you’re crazy. We left the house, and came back home. We told
Sister Pat what had happened, and that they would probably come to visit her.
To no surprise a young women came. Sister Pat gave her a slip to take him to
the hospital to help them pay for medical expenses. Maybe two hours later the women came back, and told Sister Pat he had
died. He didn’t even make it to the hospital. When Sister Pat told us this
story, we were shocked! I mean are you
kidding me? How does this happen twice in not even two weeks? Again, I just
wanted to throw up! I felt so besides myself. I felt like I was failing these
people. That I wasn’t helping anyone at all. I just wanted to break down, and
cry. I held it together though, and put it in the back of my head. I mean what
else could I do? When people die here it’s not like it is in the states. People
mourn, but it’s different. They don’t put their lives on hold, the next day
they are back to their normal routine trying to survive in this country. So
that’s what we did. We put it in the back of our heads, and moved on.
Now, you would
think that two would be it, but nope. It just kept coming our way. That dark,
gloomy, cloud I swear was following us. This death didn’t hit me as hard as it
did our hospital community. Katie, and I had gone to the hospital one week to
get some information. We meant a nice, older doctor there, and he helped us get
the information we needed. He told us he would be leaving for the weekend, but
would be back the following week if we needed anything. He, and another doctor went
down to PAP for something. We heard that while they were in PAP the one doctor had
gotten out of the car, and was on his cellphone. While he was on his cellphone,
we heard that a robbery had taken place. The robberies saw him on his
cellphone, and they must have thought he was calling the police, and they shot
him. I am not sure where they shot him, but they killed him. We had found out
the news later that day, and we couldn’t believe it. I mean honestly how many
deaths can one person deal with? You don’t have to know them for it to make a
huge impact on your heart. It really was
starting to get to me that people we knew were just starting to pass away left,
and right. Another young man was taken from this earth way too soon.
RIP to the cutest little girl.
Well you already know
what I am going to say, and yeap believe it! The little boy that is my whole
entire world here in Haiti, had a little baby half-sister that had been born a
few months ago. She was absolutely stunning! The mother would let us hold her,
and feed her. She truly was a perfect little angel. Although, she did have a
horrible cough, and we knew it wasn’t good. We encouraged her to go the hospital,
but we knew she probably didn’t have money to pay for it, but thank God we had
a mobile clinic that was pretty cheap. She decided to go, and the doctors took
a look at her. We don’t think they found anything to alarming, because they didn’t
send her on to the hospital. They gave her the normal medicine, and that was
it. We saw her every day, and she still had that cough. Then one Saturday afternoon
I headed down to the school, and LeLe came running up to me. He told me that is
little step sister had passed away, and didn’t know what to say. I was pretty
confused to be honest, and I just couldn’t believe it. I made him to make to
his house to see it for myself. When I got there I heard the mother crying
inside of the house, I was pretty nervous to go in, but they wanted to me. I
walked in and asked her about the baby. She told me that they baby had passed
away, and was already buried. I couldn’t believe it. I honestly wanted to pass out. I thought really why God? Why are you
doing this to me? Why are you allowing for all this innocent people, ad
children to die? The thoughts ran through my head for days. I of course
never got an answer.
These deaths
honestly all have left a different footprint on my heart that will last a
lifetime. To
be honest in a way it has harden my heart, and soften it. It has harden my heart in the way that when
people complain about life being so hard I just want to freak out. When people
complain about hospitals being horrible, and the doctors suck. It kills me it
makes me want to become a nasty person, and tell them to go experience medical
attention in a third world country. I know it’s horrible to become this person, and I try not
to be, but some days it really is hard. I
mean death isn’t an easy situation in any case. These deaths have soften my
heart in way that showed me how life is truly so precious. It showed me that
you never know when someone could just pass away. How one day a person is alive, and doing wonderful
then the next they are dead. It has taught me to live my life each day with no
regret, because you never know when your time is going to be up. I
have learned some valuable lessons here in Haiti, and these are definitely some
of them. You have to know in the end that you can’t save every life. That
people are going to die, and you have to entrust in God that he had a greater
plan for them. Trust me I know it’s hard, and there are days I question my own
faith, but in the end I know it will be ok.
I hope you all enjoyed, and will be on the lookout for my next
blog.
Love always, Beth
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